How to Be Tactful

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Isaac Newton once said, "Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." Being tactful is just that — having the ability to clearly communicate your message while being sensitive to those around you and not unintentionally offending anyone. Being tactful does not mean hiding what you really feel; it just means presenting your ideas in a way that would make them the most appealing and inoffensive. If you want to know how to be tactful, then you should see Step 1 to get started.
1
Think before you speak. Allow yourself a pause to consider how your words could be perceived, and to prevent yourself from making hasty comments. You may have an immediate gut reaction to something your boss or friend is saying, but take a moment to gather your thoughts before you come right out and say what you want to say. Ask yourself if it's the best time to present your ideas, if you should spend some time finding a better way to say what you want to say, and if people will be receptive to your comments right then.
• Though speaking with your gut can lead to a lot of interesting ideas, it can also help to take a few minutes to formulate your thoughts first. If you instantly disagree with something your boss says, for example, you're better off thinking of concrete examples for why you disagree instead of just blurting out that you think it's a bad idea.
• Notice the people around you. You may want to make a comment about how excited you are for your wedding, when one of the people there is going through a bitter divorce. Though you don't have to hide your enthusiasm forever, you may be better off finding a better time to make your comment.

2
Deflect negative comments. If people are making negative comments around you, you should avoid getting wrapped up in them if you want to be tactful. This is especially true if you're in the workplace and don't want to be part of the office politics.


3
Start with a positive comment before giving negative feedback. If you have to give negative feedback to someone, whether it's a coworker or your best friend, you should couch it in a way that makes the person the most receptive. This doesn't mean you should lie to the person if things aren't going well, but that you should start off with something positive so the person sees that you care about him or her.
4
Choose your words carefully. When it comes to being tactful, one of the most important things to keep in mind is that you should be aware of the words you use to express your ideas. You can still say what you want to say without offending people or coming off mean or like a know-it-all. When you're getting ready to state an opinion, ask yourself if the words you're using are biased, hurtful, patronizing, or just all wrong for the occasion. Then, find the words that will help further your ideas without offending anyone.
5
Choose your timing carefully. When it comes to being tactful, having great timing is half the battle. You may have something perfectly nice to say, which can ruin a social situation if you say it at the wrong time, and can lead to hurt feelings without you meaning to do any harm. Before you make a comment, ask yourself if this is the best time to make the comment, and if everyone there will be receptive to it. Ask yourself if it would be better to wait to get a more positive response, even if you're dying to say what you want to say.
6
Decline invitations politely. If someone asks you to do something, you should find a way to politely decline it, even if your gut is screaming, "Heck no!" Whether you're being asked to attend the baby shower of a person you barely know or to stay late at work on a Friday night, instead of immediately saying no and looking angry or upset about it, you should take the time to say how much you would like to do it and then give a brief explanation or apology about not being able to do it. This will still get the same message across, but you won't offend anyone in the process.
7
Don't reveal too much personal information to people you don't know very well. Another thing that people who lack tact tend to do is to go about announcing their business to every person on the street. If you want to have tact, then you can't go around telling anyone within earshot about your latest breakup, your new rash, or all of your personal problems. Telling people you don't know well all your business will only make them uncomfortable and won't lead to any new friendships; have tact and be aware of when people would like to hear more and when enough is enough.
8
Make sure your body language reflects your words. It's great if your words are sending a friendly and polite message, but if your body is telling people something different, then they'll quickly get a different picture. If you're telling someone something important in a delicate way, then you should make eye contact, face the person, and not hunch over or look at the floor. Give the person your attention and show that you actually care. It'll be hard for them to take you seriously if you're telling the person that he or she is doing great at work while you're looking in the other direction.
• Actions really can speak louder than words, so make sure that your body isn't sending a different message from your mouth.

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